Why Aging is the Wrong Approach to Developing Self-Acceptance
…And What our Children Need to Hear NOW.
Why is it that true self-acceptance usually only seems to develop as we age?
Unlike acquired wisdom, which we gain from knowledge and experience throughout our lives, the wisdom to be and accept our authentic selves is actually innate – we’ve all been born with this wisdom, but for most of us, it seems to quickly fade with the influence of our environments, communities, and inherited beliefs. Then it becomes something we need to develop, which can be a painful process.
It’s not our fault, or our mom’s fault, or even our grandmother’s, or her mother’s fault that we lose this wisdom. We can’t be blamed for something we don’t know, if we don’t know we don’t know it!
For most of my teens and twenties, I didn’t know that my own self-acceptance was a problem – I thought my weight, my skin, and other imperfections were the problems, and I worked tireless to “fix” them so that I could develop the self-acceptance and confidence I needed to move forward – in both my personal and professional life.
As I’m approaching my 40th birthday and looking back at my life thus far, I see that, although I have very few regrets (I’ve learned something from every mistake I’ve made), there were years spent in “limbo” where I could have made much more of a difference had I not been held back by my self-limiting beliefs – in particular, the belief that I couldn’t be a success until I’d resolved all my imperfections, which I’d been measuring by external standards.
Not only was I measuring myself by the wrong standards, but I had the metrics all wrong too!
My pant size, my weight, my bust-waist-hip ratio, my skin tone, my hair colour, and even my shoe size, were the metrics I was measuring myself by – ALL standards that had been established by outside sources.
Never once did I think to myself that I was designed to be unique, to not look like everyone else (especially models), or to be proud of my differences. Not once did I ever think that I could be truly happy without first achieving my “goal weight”.
I so often hear from people, especially women, that they’ve become more accepting of themselves, and hence happier, as they age. This is the feeling I’m having right now. But then I think how sad it is that we couldn’t have just maintained it and grown it from birth! Why do we have to wait until wrinkles show up to realize that it’s OK, even natural, to have “imperfections” and differences, and that our focus and energy are better spent elsewhere – like on appreciating things that bring us JOY?
As a mom now, it’s become one of my primary purposes to ensure that my 6-year old daughter maintains her innate wisdom so that she has the foundation to set her own standards.
I don’t want her to turn 40 and look back on years she’s wasted, investing precious youthful energy on looking and being a certain way to please others for her self-acceptance and self-worth. I want her to instead look forward to the future, with excitement about what she can create in the next 40 years (and beyond!) with her unique gifts, talents and passions. I want her to always feel awesome and beautiful because she is who she is.
I’m sure most parents can relate.
A few months ago, I wrote her a poem. I wrote it because, looking back, I feel it’s what I needed to hear as a child and no one knew it.
The negative thoughts going through my head were unspoken, but I guarantee I wasn’t the only child thinking them. I feel that the more children who can have their concerns, comparisons, and negative self-talk addressed upfront, the more of them we’ll see growing up confidently expressing who they are, taking a stand against unrealistic standards, and making a real difference in the world.
But this isn’t limited to our children. We adults need to hear it too.
Imagine if your parents had read this poem over and over again to you as a child. How would your life be different now? The good news is that it’s never too late to honour your inner child. I hope that you, and your children, can take this message to heart:
YOU, Beautiful You
By: Kimberley Record
(written for Eve, and children of all ages)
Each and every morning,
Before the sun has risen,
There’s a chance for you to see and feel
The beauty you’ve been given.
Before your toes reach for the floor
As you get up out of bed,
You can shower happy thoughts and feelings
Throughout your heart and head.
Did you know your WONDERFUL body is made of
TRILLIONS of tiny cells?
These miracles keep your heart a-ticking
And keep your brain smart as well!
If you don’t already realize
Just how truly special you are —
NO ONE on earth has cells like yours,
Not anywhere, near or far.
Your own cells made a body
That’s PERFECT in every way –
And that’s because it’s custom-made for YOU
To laugh and play.
It’s also been designed inside
With GIFTS unique to you.
Your job is to discover them
And make your dreams come true!
Think of the things in life
That make you smile from inside-out.
These things will give you clues to find your gifts,
Without a doubt.
Your beauty on the outside
Comes from your inner smiling glow,
And when you let your unique gifts shine bright,
Your smile will grow and grow.
Your body may not look the same as your
Friends’, sisters’ or brothers’,
But that’s because our cells make bodies
Different from one another!
Short, tall, dark, light,
Skinny and big-boned,
Everyone is uniquely beautiful,
And YOUR beauty is your own.
Healthy food, activity,
Laughter, play and sleep
All help to nourish a body and mind
That you’ll be proud to keep!
There may be days when you don’t feel
Quite beautiful enough,
But it’s only on days when you forget your gifts
That this gets tough.
When you look into the mirror each day,
And give your biggest smile,
This helps you to remember all your gifts
And splendid style!
But if in doubt, each morning there’s just
ONE key thing to do;
And that’s to simply wake up being
YOU, beautiful you.
Does this poem speak to your inner child?
Please let me know in the comments below!
Would you like to read this to your children regularly?
I’ve since converted this poem into a picture eBook (complete with children’s illustrations)! You can download it here. Enjoy!
Remember: When you shine your gifts, you define your beauty
