The #1 Key to Loving Your Body

This week’s Body Love Tip is what I believe to be the single most important key to loving your body:

Highlight your STRENGTHS

This can be difficult to sum up in a short blog article, so I’ll definitely be elaborating on this over time, but generally, I’ve found that this is best done by taking the focus away from our physical body, at least initially.

Here’s what I mean by that:

We’ve all been given unique talents, gifts and strengths, and when we can go internally, and get really clear on what they are, this helps form the foundation of healthy self-esteem and self-image…which inevitably drives the behaviours and habits that make up a healthy vibrant body.

Unfortunately, most people are more often in the daily habit of trying to fix or improve their perceived weaknesses or “flaws”, rather than highlighting their strengths (I fell into this category for most of my life, and still do sometimes), so if you’re not accustomed to being strengths-focused, you’re not alone. Here are some questions you may want to ask yourself:

• When do I feel the most joy?
• When do I feel at my best?
• When do I feel most at ease?
• What do others appreciate about me?
• What can people count on me for? (you may need to ask the people in your life)

Based on your answers, you should be able to pinpoint at least 3-5 of your top strengths. By writing them out, and keeping them somewhere you can see them every day as reminders (in your office, bedroom, kitchen or even bathroom!), you can easily keep them top of mind. I’ve written mine in a journal, which I find particularly useful on those days when I find myself falling into the “comparison-trap”.

To take it a step further, you can even ask yourself each day: what’s one thing I can do today that will highlight (especially to myself) at least one of my strengths? This can do wonders in building your own belief in yourself, and a healthy self-image.

We can’t be great at everything (that would be exhausting). Nor are we designed to be or look like anyone else (that would be boring, and frankly very confusing). So we need to stop judging our perceived weaknesses or flaws – and this goes for both our perceived physical, and character, “flaws” – and start showcasing our strengths.

If something is not a strong point, then it is simply an aspect of ourselves that isn’t meant to be given much attention (which I think is part of the problem with the current body-positive movement…but more on that later). But what typically happens is that we devote far too much time and energy to the fixing the flaws, while our strengths are waiting patiently in the background for acknowledgement.

If you’ve found yourself doing this, I’m personally requesting that you start giving your strengths the acknowledgement they deserve.

Sometimes, this can even lead us to reframe previously perceived weaknesses (from inherited beliefs) as strengths because they are actually part of our authentic selves (i.e. when we feel most at ease). Here’s an example from my personal life:

When I was around 13 years old, a male friend casually commented that I was surprisingly always happy compared to my “moodier” female friends. Interestingly, I interpreted this as a perceived weakness at the time – thinking I needed to have more “attitude” or be more “combative” to be more accepted.

This may sound a little crazy, but I actually had a phase where I wished I were a bitch. But my attempts at turning bitchy failed (I felt horrible every time), and I eventually embraced the fact that I’m innately a positive and kind person – however over the years, I’ve had to work on strengthening this in a way that prevented my kindness from being misperceived as weakness by others, so as not to have it taken advantage of (as had been my experience in some past relationships). A dash of assertiveness has become a great strengthening ingredient 🙂

Being optimistic, friendly and generally cheerful is all part of my essence – it’s when I feel at my best, and although I realize it may annoy some people (I no longer aim to please everyone),  being authentic – not hiding, suppressing, or pretending – feels amazing. I now attract people into my life that appreciate this about me.

Maybe you’ve had a similar experience: taking outsider advice about what is/isn’t considered a strength. That’s why it’s so important to do this inner work!

(On a similar note: I’ve also reframed my extremely sensitive/emotional side into a strength…where I once used to suppress crying during even moderately sad movies for fear of being perceived as weak, I now pretty much sit with a box of tissues before turning on the TV, just in case there’s a sob-worthy scene. I’m wired to be slushy and gushy, and it’s part of what makes me the best mom, partner, sister, and friend that I can be!)

Here’s the cool part: Looking inside for your strengths – obvious or hidden – will most often lead to noticing more strengths about your physical body too (it may in fact start changing before your eyes), so when that happens, be sure to also display those with pride!

When self-love starts from within, we don’t need to look to others for validation of our physical beauty, we simply start to feel it. Besides, physical attractiveness is so subjective anyways (and susceptible to change, often from factors outside of our control! Aging for example…), but what is undeniably beautiful is when a person projects their self-worth to the world around them, by allowing their strengths to shine, unapologetically.

Everyone has this beauty in them; and the sooner that we acknowledge that being “Perfect” (i.e. being free of all flaws) is a completely unrealistic, happiness-killing goal, the sooner we can get on with a life of joy as the magnificent beings we were all meant to be.

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