Beauty Redefined: An Empowering Vision for Women
It’s no secret that there’s a problem with our society’s beauty standards.
They lead so many women (and men!) to feel shame about their bodies.
So I’ve come up with a new set of standards for beauty. I think this will resonate with anyone who’s ever struggled with their body image.
A vision for a NEW definition of beauty
As a mom to a young daughter who will no doubt be bombarded with harmful messages as she grows up (as all of us before her have been), I’d really love to see a change in these generally accepted beauty standards – sooner than later.
So I’ve written a vision statement to express the changes I’d like to see. A vision for a new definition of beauty. I actually loved it so much, that I made it into a short video to share with you.
This video gives me goosebumps every time I watch it – not just because it highlights the problem with current standards of beauty, but because it literally encompasses every battle I’ve ever had with my own body, and how I personally overcame them.
And I like to imagine what kind of a world we’d live in if more women had emotional freedom from body image issues, to fully embrace WHO they are.
Now I admit, this is a big vision – because we truly have so far to go to get here. But I do believe that, with a collective commitment to change, we can bring this new set of standards to fruition:
A little background…
The Dalai Lama says that “The world will be saved by the western woman”- yet, when 91% of them are allowing themselves to be held back and distracted by body insecurities, what could the world be missing out on?
Looking back on my life, I see how much time I wasted on hating my body, and obsessing over my “imperfections”.
This is the biggest reason that unrealistic beauty standards upset me so much, especially as I watch my little girl grow up. Because I know that these impossible standards are nothing but distractions at work to keep us from shining our gifts – the source of our real beauty.
Not only do I remember the negative feelings I personally had about my body, but I actually have stacks of old journals where I documented all my self-judgment and criticism as they occurred (journaling has been a therapeutic process for me all these years).
When I first meet people and tell them what I do (Body Love Coaching), I often get doubtful looks: I don’t look like someone who would have experience with a body image problem. I’m not overweight, and never really have been.
But as I’ve mentioned before (and elaborate more on in my new book), a negative body image isn’t just reserved for people who are overweight; and I have years and years’ worth of chronicled notes on how “disgusted” I was with myself at 138lbs on my 5’8 ½” frame, (my long-standing, never-achieved goal was 125lbs, as established by a modelling agency – unrealistic and unhealthy, and I knew it, but that didn’t stop the constant shame I felt when I couldn’t reach it).
My earliest journal entries were in fall of 1997; I was 21, and already a few years into my (almost 15-year) image-obsessed “phase”, which got worse before it got better. I still go back and read them occasionally to get perspective, especially as I coach more and more women through their own journeys to self-love and -acceptance.
I’d like to share with you a brief excerpt from January 1998 (a few weeks into my New Year’s resolutions), which will also help to shed some light on the heart behind my vision:
“My most hated body part these days is my chin. It has been for a while, but still is. While the rest of my body’s getting toned and in shape (from new exercise routine), my chin’s still hanging lower than I would like.
“It seems I’m never completely happy – there’s always something that needs improving (and criticism). I remember when I was young, it was my feet and my nose (both were too big), then it became my knees and my thighs, then my butt (butt and thighs are always an issue), then it was my flabby arms, then the rolls on my back that showed under my bra-strap, then even my stomach for a while (which I had hoped would never happen – always my favourite body part), and my hands (weren’t bony enough), my forearms (wished they had definition), my cheekbones (they disappeared for a while), and I could probably go on…
“But these days, with walking and daily push-ups and sit-ups, I’m happy with almost everything except my couple extra layers on my neck and chin. Oh well, nobody’s perfect. Hard for a perfectionist to understand.”
My chin?? Really?? I can look back in amazement now, but at the time, I remember it being such a real concern. And that wasn’t the first, or anywhere near the last, of the entries where I criticized some aspect of my body.
What’s interesting to note is that I would often say (or write) things like “Nobody’s perfect”, and “It’s not about weight-loss, it’s about a healthier lifestyle”, but the other language around that would be totally counterintuitive to those statements, like “I’m happy with everything except…” and “I’m starting to notice a positive change in my physical appearance: firmer butt, thighs, arms and even boobs! I like this change because it’s not really about weight loss, but a move toward a more attractive body”.
I was consciously trying to resist the (media/societal) pressures around image, and to move away from the scale, but as numerous journal entries would confirm, I still had a loooong way to go before that would really happen.
It was only in much, much later entries (like 15 years later) that I can see real proof of myself prioritizing my health over my image, and building my strengths over picking apart my flaws.
Interestingly, after that shift, my physical body really started to transform – without any dramatic diets or exercise programs.
My vision statement was built on this experience – and on the desire to help create a shift in focus that’s empowering for women.
Yes, there are a lot of “NOT”s in this statement, but only because I really want to draw attention to how much we’ve been damaging ourselves by buying into the current standards of beauty.
Enough is enough.
We need to start believing that our worth comes from within.
We need to start acknowledging that we have strengths worth expressing unapologetically.
And we need to start supporting, not judging one another throughout the process.
When I think of all the time and energy I wasted on picking myself apart – where I could have been devoting them towards growing myself and living into my full potential from a much younger age – I think of my daughter (she’s 7), and how I truly wish for a different path for her.
And I know it has to start with me.
We all have the opportunity to lead our future generations down a totally different, more empowering path to self-love and acceptance, where they can truly own their magnificence without the unnecessary distraction of not feeling good enough because they don’t look a certain way; and where they can feel beautiful in their own skin. We can do that by first healing ourselves and leading the way.
Let’s work together to ensure that our children grow up in a world of REAL beauty.
p.s. Here’s my vision in writing for you. If it inspires you too, feel free to print and post it where you can see it everyday!
I envision a world where a woman’s beauty is defined by her authenticity – NOT by her appearance;
Where she feels free to spend her valuable time and energy on developing her strengths – NOT on obsessing over her “flaws”;
Where she can embrace, nurture and nourish her unique body – NOT try to fix, punish, or deprive it of pleasure;
Where she is energized by progress – NOT distracted by perfection;
Where she can celebrate her differences – NOT judge them;
And where her self-care, self-compassion and self-empowerment are teaching future generations that their inner substance – NOT their image – is the key ingredient to feeling beautiful and living a joy-filled life.
How do you feel about this vision?
I’d love to hear what feelings came up for you when you watched this video, or read this vision statement.
For some, what I’m proposing may be a completely foreign concept, and for others, it may resonate so deeply that it may cause goosebumps for you too, or even bring up uncomfortable emotions.
Please let me know in the comments below!
And if you’re ready to really live into this new definition, be sure to grab a copy of my new book, Finding Your Forever Body, here.
Remember: When you shine your gifts, you define your beauty.
